well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
