he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
