In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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