She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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