I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
