so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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