My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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