I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
