at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
