He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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