Whod you bang
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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