My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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