the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
