he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
