She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
