I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
