Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
