As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
