ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
