How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
