I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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