I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
There are leaves in my underwear?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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