We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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