Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
