I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
did i just pee glitter
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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