You're completely useless in the revolution.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
