dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
