I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
