What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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