Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
