Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
