in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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