I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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