the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
