I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
