He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
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