I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
