I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
