God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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