I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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