Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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