the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
