I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
