I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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