Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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