i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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