She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
