you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
