I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The air taste purple.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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