Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
