Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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