Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Life is so much better after having sex.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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